Ubunzima bobudala isifo?
Inkcazo yembono "maximalism" ayibonakali nantoni ukuba i-maximalism yabantwana iyisifo. Esi sibonakaliso esiba sisigxina kwisimo somntwana osemtsha kwisithuba esithile sokukhula kwakhe.
Ingaba iqondo leminyaka liphendule umbuzo, ngeli xesha liqala nini?
Ixesha apho umntwana osemtsha eqala ukubonakaliswa ngu-maximalism wolutsha alukhankanyiweyo nayiphi na ingcali yeengqondo, njengoko ixesha lokutshintsha liqala ngamnye kumntwana ngamnye. Omnye kwishumi elinesine, esinye seshumi elinesibhozo, kwisithathu kwishumi elinesibhozo.
Ukubonakaliswa kwe-maximalism yolutsha njengengxaki yentsapho
Ubuninzi bobuncinci bubonakala njani? Okokuqala, umntwana uthathwa ukuvavanya isiseko seentsapho, imigaqo yabazali bakhe, ngenxa yamandla. Ngaloo nto uqala "ukunika iingcebiso" kubo bonke abakuzungezile, njengoko ecinga ukuba wonke umntu ujikeleze. Yile ndlela ukuphakanyiswa kokuziphatha kubonakala ngayo. Unako ukuthatha naluphi na uhlobo. Kungenzeka ukuba abazali bentombazana, ngokombono wakhe, abafundekanga kakhulu, bafumane imali encinci, bachithe ixesha elincinane kunye nentsapho, bengayi kumnceda, okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, bamncedise kakhulu.
Emehlweni omntwana, iingxaki ezikhoyo kwintsapho ziqala ukuthatha isilinganiselo esesabekayo. Kule minyaka ukuba intombazana inokuyithatha "ngeendleko zakhe" kwaye ukholelwe ukuba nguye onokusola yonke into. Le meko iyingozi ngenxa yokungathobeli amandla okulungisa imeko kwintsapho, umntwana ungumlingo omkhulu, angangena kwiimeko zokudakumba, nokuba kwimeko yokuzibulala. Yingakho kubaluleke kakhulu kule nkqubela yophuhliso kungekhona ukushiya umntwana yedwa kunye neengxaki zakhe, ekholelwa ukuba eli lizwe liya kudlula ngokwalo.
Ubuninzi bobuncinci kunye nabantwana abaselula
Ngethuba lexesha umntwana angaba yimbindi yokuhlanganiswa kunye nokukhutshwa kwayo. Ngokuxhomekeke ekubeni umntwana okhulayo okanye u-introvert, uya kuguqula loo mvakalelo emenza ukuba abe nemibono emitsha (ukuthatha inxaxheba kwimidlalo emitsha nganye veki, ukuzongenisa ezonwabisa kubahlobo bakhe, ngaloo ndlela uba ngumvelisi obaluleke kakhulu kwiinkampani) okanye ukuzihlukanisa (ukuvulela iimvakalelo kumntu ngamnye, ubuchule). Akukho "ndlela engcono". Abazali abanomntwana ongcolileyo bafika ekhaya kuphela emva kobusuku phakathi kobusuku "obuthakathaka" bethanda ukuba abhale inkondlo engcono, kunye nabazali bomfundi ohloniphekileyo, obuso bakhe bengazange bamncumise ngeenyanga ezintandathu, babeya kukhetha unyana onentlalontle ... Nangona kunjalo, wonke umntwana oselula useva ngeli xesha ngendlela yakhe kunye nomsebenzi wabazali kule ngxaki akuyikucacisa, kungekhona ukuguqula, kodwa ukubukela, ngokunyanzela ukunyusa umntwana kumgangatho ophakathi.
Unokukunceda njani umntwana ukuba asinde ixesha lokubaluleka kwentsha?
Kodwa indlela yokutshintshisa umntwana, indlela yokuyiqondisa ukuze ungabi ngumbono olinganayo kunye ne-moralizer, ofana naye. Okokuqala, senze ngokungabonakaliyo kwaye "ukusuka ekuchaseni". Makhe umntwana abe nomuva ukuba ukhululekile, kodwa uya kuthwala uxanduva lwezenzo zakhe. Kuya kuba ngcono xa ufundisa kuye, kungekhona isitalato.
- Ukuba umntwana wakho "uphuma esandleni" kwaye akafuni ukuthatha inxaxheba ebomini bentsapho, makamve ukuba unokuhlala kwaye engenakho inkxaso. Ngaba uya kuthanda?
- Ukuba umntwana uyaqiniseka ukuba oontanga bakhe abafanelanga ukuxhunyanwa nabo, musa ukumncenga ukuba athethe, kodwa ngokuchasene
mthintele kuye. "Ukuba uthe abafundi bakho esikolweni baxhamla kwizinto ezinjalo njengoko utshoyo, ndiyakukunqanda ukuba udibane nabo ngaphandle kweeyure zesikolo." (Ingqungquthela yangaphakathi yomntwana kule meko iya kumphoqa umntwana ukuba abuyele kwinkampani aze athole ulwimi olufanayo kunye noontanga.) - Ukuba, ngokuchasene noko, umntwana osemncinci akafumani oontanga bakhe kwinkampani, mxelele ukuba uya kwintsapho yonke kwindawo apho uya kuthanda ukuya khona. Umzekelo, kwi-movie. Nangona kunjalo, tshela nje ukuba awuhlosi ukuba uthathe nawe. Yaye makhe umntwana makabe evakalelwa kukuba akazange avume ukunxibelelana nawe, kwaye wena-ukuthetha naye. Mhlawumbi ngexesha elizayo uya kuphulaphula ngakumbi amagama akho ongathanda ukuba achithe ixesha elininzi nentsapho yakhe.