I-class-class kwi-science yesini kwi-psychologist eneengxaki
Kutheni silahlekelwa ngumdla kwisini? Ungayigcwalisa njani "umthombo wesifiso"? Ngaba ndinokufunda ukufumana injabulo ngakumbi kwintsebenziswano? Iimpendulo zale mibuzo zinikezwa ngumbhali wezengqondo u-Emily Nagoski encwadini yakhe ethi "Indlela Umfazi Ofuna Ngayo" (Mann, Ivanov kunye neFerber Publishing House).
Ngaba le nto ayinanto?
Ngelinye ilanga umxhasi wabuza uEmily Nagoski isizathu sokuba "isifiso esihle" siphume. Kule nto i-psychologist yaphendula ukuba akukho nto. Kuninzi ukuthelekisa ishahla. Ngamanye amaxesha unescinezelo esinamandla, ngamanye amaxesha - obuthathaka. Ukuhlamba kuya kuvela nayiphi na imeko, kodwa kuxhomekeke kwiimeko eziya kuba zikhethiweyo ezimnandi, okanye umsebenzi osebenzayo onzima.
Ngoko ngobomi besondo. Umxholo - isimo sengqondo kunye neemeko zangaphandle - kuthintela amandla okufumana uvuyo, kwaye ujonge inkqubo. Ngethuba elifanayo elowo kuthi sinenkqubo yalo yokukhuthaza, eyomeleza kwaye ibuthathaka "ingcinezelo" yomnqweno. Umzekelo, ukuba umntu omnye "uqala" kuphela kwiindawo ezixubileyo, ngoko ke, enye imeko ingaba yinto engalunganga.
Izinto ezivuyisayo nezidimazayo
Ukuphucula ubomi obusondeleyo, kufuneka uqale ukuqonda ukuba yintoni eyakhayo kwaye ikukhusekisa. Ukwenza oku, yenza izintlu ezimbini. Kuluhlu lokuqala zonke iimeko ezikunceda ukuba ube nomnqweno, kwaye kwezinye izinto - ezikuthintela ukuba ungene kumnandi.
Nantsi isikhulu esincane. Khumbula izihlandlo ezibuhlungu kakhulu ebomini bakho kwaye ubhale phantsi iimpendulo kule mibuzo:
"Ubukeka njani?"
- Uziva njani?
- Yayiphi imeko?
- Yayiyiphi iqabane lakho (ukubonakala, ukuvumba, ukuziphatha kunye nokunye)?
- Ziziphi iindlela? Udibana nani? Ngaba ubuhlobo obusondeleyo?
- Uphi na ngesimo siphi na isondo?
- Uyakhumbula naziphi na iimeko ezikhethekileyo (umzekelo, kwenzeke ngeeholide)?
- Ziziphi izinto ozenzayo kunye neqabane lakho?
Kwaye ngoku cingisisa ngamava angathandekiyo ngokwesini kwaye uchaze iinkcukacha usebenzisa inqaku elifanayo.
Ibhafu enkulu, ukunyamezela nokukhupha isoksi
Phakathi kwezinto ezikhuthazayo ezinokuba yizinto ezinokuthi zenzeke. Ngokomzekelo, umntu uvakalisa ububele kunye nesimo sengqondo esikhethekileyo somlingane. Ngomnye wabathengi bakaEmily Nagoski, uphawu oluvakalayo olushukumisayo lwaba ngamanzi amakhulu eehotele kwiihotele. Xa intombazana leyo yakuqonda oko, ngoko yaqala ukulungiswa kwendlu.
Omnye umfazi ufumene ukuba unelungelo lokusondelana, xa iqabane liqhubela phambili "liqhuba" ngelilanga ngoncedo lwamacebo kunye nokudlala ngothando. Wathetha nomyeni wakhe - kwaye ubudlelwane babo bobulili beqhelekile. Ngokubanzi, ngoku uyazi indlela yokusebenza.
Nangona kunjalo, ungakhohlwa ukuba ezinye izinto zenza kube nzima ukuzonwabisa. Nangona ujikeleza ngeempawu eziphathekayo, izimo ezinokubangela ukuba ziphazamise yonke into. Ngamanye amaxesha kulula kakhulu ukuwaphelisa. Ngokomzekelo, ngexesha lokufunda olunye, amadoda awakwazi ukufikelela kwi-orgasm ade avunyelwe ukugqoka iisokisi. Kuye kwenzeka ukuba izifundo zivele ziqabile.
Ukuba ubanda kakhulu, thatha ingubo. Ukuhlaziya? Vula isimo se-air conditioner. Abamelwane abaphazamisayo? Lindela ixesha elithulileyo okanye ufumane enye indawo. Kodwa ezi ziimeko zangaphandle kuphela. Okubaluleke ngakumbi kukuba kwenzekani entloko yakho. Ngale nto uze uzame ukuqonda ngoku.
Ukuxinezeleka
Naluphina uxinzelelo lubonakala ngongqondo lomntu njengesongelo ebomini. Umthwalo osebenzayo osebenza emsebenzini, iingxabano kunye noogxa, umphathi-tyirant - kwinkqubo yakho yeentlanzi zifana neengonyama elambileyo ekhwela kuwe. Ngokuqinisekileyo, phantsi kweemeko ezinjalo, awunasondo nonke.
Ngokweengqondo zeengqondo, akwanele ukusombulula ingxaki ebangela uxinzelelo. Kusemfuneko ukunika ingqondo uphawu lokuba yonke into ihlelekile. Ngenxa yoko, unokwenza imidlalo, ucamngce, ulale ngokufanelekileyo, uye kwi-massage okanye ukhawuleze ukhawuleze ulahleke iimvakalelo ezingekho phantsi.
Ukugxeka
Uphando oluqhutywe phakathi kwabasetyhini lubonisa ukuba abo abanganeliseki ngomzimba wabo kwaye bathambekele ekuhlaseleni ukuzithoba kunzima kakhulu ukufumana ukuzonwabisa ngesondo. Akumangalisi. Kunzima ukuvuya ngobudlelwane obusondeleyo, ukuba kwimeko uhlala uxhalabile malunga nokuba amabele akho akhathazeke ngokukrakra kwaye ingaba iqabane liye laphawula ukugqithisa ngokweqile esiswini sakhe.
Funda ukuthanda umzimba wakho ngendlela. Njalo qwalasela kwisibuko uze uqaphele zonke izidima. Qinisekisa ukugxeka kwangaphakathi ukuthula. Ngendlela, oku akusebenzi nje kuphela ngaphandle. Akunakuze ukhuthazele ngokungapheli ngenxa yokungaphumeleli kwakho kunye neempazamo zakho. Le ndlela yokucinga ingakhokelela ekudakaleni. Endaweni yoko, zama ukuzithobela ngobubele nangenceba.
Ukungathembeki komlingane
Enye into echaphazela kakhulu amandla ethu okufumana isifiso sesini kunye nokuzithemba kumntu okhethiweyo.
Kwiimeko ezininzi, ukungathembeki kunzima ukuqikelela. Inokudityaniswa namava angaphumelelanga ngaphambili. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba abazali abazange bahlawule ngokwaneleyo okanye usufumene ikhefu elingathandekiyo, ngoko uya kuba noloyiko lwesinye isidima.
Yaye yintoni ekupheleni? Uza kuqala ukuthuthuzela iqabane lakho kunye nomona nokugqithisa ngokweqile, okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, kuya kuhlala kude kwaye kubanda. Ewe, ubudlelwane kunye nayo ngeke kube ngcono.
Zama ukuzola uvakalelo lwakho. Musa ukubeka kakubi wena okanye iqabane lakho. Vumani nje ukuba banayo. Cinga ngendlela onokuyinyamezela ngayo. Ngamanye amaxesha ukucamngca kwengqondo kunceda, xa ufuna ukukhala, kwaye ngezinye amaxesha indlela efanelekileyo kukuba ukwabelana ngeengcinga zakho nomthandi wakho. Nguwe kuphela okwazi ukufumana indlela efanelekileyo.
Oluthe ngakumbi malunga nendlela yokusebenza kunye nezinto zangaphakathi kunye zangaphandle ezichaphazela ubomi bethu bobulili-encwadini ethi "Umfazi ufuna ntoni."