Mhlawumbi ivakalelo elibi kakhulu kunye nelo xesha liyingozi ngomona wakhe. Emva kokuhlala iminyaka emininzi phantsi kophahla olulodwa, emva kokumisela ubomi nokuzalela abantwana, yonke into iqala ukuhamba kwaye "idiniwe". Ngeli xesha, ibhinqa, ingakumbi ukuba ngumfazi wendlu ngexesha lomyalelo, uqala ukuphosakela ulwalamano lwangaphambili kunye nobuchule beemvakalelo. Le yilapho amatye angaphantsi kwamanzi aqala ukubonakala: yonke into ihlelwe, indlu iyinxalenye "indebe epheleleyo", umntwana kunye nentsapho, kunye nenye ingqungquthela encinci ye "gnaws".
Ukukhweleka kwixesha elidlulileyo lomntu
Ukuba umfazi ucinga oko, kuya kuba nzima kakhulu ukutshintsha ingqondo yakhe. Into eyona nto kukuba umchasi wakho akayena ummelwane kwivolanda, ayikwazi "ukuxhamla" kwifowuni kumyeni wakhe kwifowuni, awukwazi ukuthetha naye kwaye ufumene ubuhlobo, kwaye umyeni ngokwakhe akanalo nto yokubonisa. Ukukhweleka kwindoda yakhe eyadlulayo kubonakala ngokukhokelela ubudlelwane phakathi kokuphela kokufa. Yonke into ingaqala ngesithombe esidala okanye intlanganiso yeso sihlandlo, kodwa nantoni na, kodwa ukuba imbewu yomona iwela emhlabathini ovundileyo, baya kudla ubudlelwane phakathi. Umfazi uqala ukuthabatha kuye ubudlelwane obungekho kunye nezenzo zomyeni wakhe, ukucinga ukuba kubalulekile kuye nanamhlanje, ukuzithelekisa yena kunye nezinto ezithandwayo. Ungayinqoba njani umona nokuba ingaba uyakwazi ukuwuphepha?
I-Psychology yomona womfazi
Okokuqala makhe sibone isizathu sokuba lo mfazi unomona. Zininzi iintlobo zomona. Ukuba uqonda ukuba ungubani uhlobo lwenu, kuya kuba lula ukunquma indlela yokunqoba umona kumyeni wakhe. Kukho iintlobo ezintathu ezihlukeneyo:
- Ikhwele lifanelekileyo. Olu hlobo lomona lugunyaziswe ngabantu, abajwayele ukugcina yonke into elawulwayo. Ukuba ibhinqa elinomntu onjalo lingayizi zonke iinkcukacha zomntu wexesha elidlulileyo, uya kuqala ukukrokrela ukuba ulwazi olubaluleke kakhulu luye lwaphunyuka kuye "iso lonke elibona".
- Ukuba nomona ngenxa yeemvakalelo zokuthintela . Phantse ulwahlulo lohlobo lokuqala, kulo mzekelo abantu bayaba nomona, bangakhuselekanga, baziva bexakekile, kaninzi banokuzithemba.
- Ikhwele nje ngolu hlobo. Nantsi yonke into iyilula: awuqinisekanga ngokunyaniseka kwakho kwaye ucinge ukuba iqabane liyakwazi ukukhubeka.
Njani ukunqoba umona wesikhwele?
Ngoko-ke, makhe sibone indlela yokuyithintela ngayo umona wobukhwele, ngokusekelwe kuloluhlu.
- Okokuqala, zivuma ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba kutheni uqala ukuba nomona: mhlawumbi uneengxaki emsebenzini okanye uhlala "ekhaya", mhlawumbi ukhunjulwe ukuba ukuphela kweminyaka engama-30 ijikeleze ekhoneni - zonke ezi zibonakaliso lwakho ukunganeliseki. Khumbula inyaniso ephambili: ukuba awuzithandi, kutheni abanye bethanda wena? Inzondelelo kwindoda yakhe edlulileyo kule meko yinto nje yokuzama ukuzigweba emehlweni akhe (ngokungazi kakuhle) kwaye uchaze ukuba kutheni into ethile ingabonakali ebomini. Mhlawumbi kwixesha elidlulileyo walala nobudlelwane kunye nabasetyhini abaqilileyo, kodwa watshata nawe, kwaye kwimicimbi yentsapho "ayibonakali, ayibandakanyeki." Ngaba unako ukuzisebenza? Ukuze unqobe umona kule ngxaki, qalisa ngokuphakamisa ukuzithemba, fumana iindlela zokuphumeza. Ukuba kukho inokwenzeka, yenza i-yoga okanye i-salsa-le ndlela efanelekileyo yokuzikholisa kwaye ubenze umlilo wokuqala ulwalamano. Kuba oomama abakhathazekile ngoku baninzi ngobunene-meyda (i-patchwork, ukubulala, i-scrapbooking) ongayifumana isicelo sakho sokucinga.
- Ukuba awuyi kuphumla kulwalamano ongalwaziyo, okanye umyeni wakho akathandi ukukhumbula okudlulileyo, kufuneka uxoxe ngokuthe ngqo. Ukuqala incoko kungasiphi na imeko ayikwazi ukuba neenkcazo okanye ukwenza amabango. Masithembeke: ngokuqinisekileyo unexesha elidlulileyo, kungekhona ukuba umyeni, ngokuqhelekileyo, akakho umntu omele azi, kwaye akusoloko enokuziqhayisa, ngoko kutheni othembekileyo wakho engenalo ilungelo "lwakhe lwamathambo kwikhefu"? Indlela yokulwa nomona wobukhwele kulo mzekelo: iingcamango ezichanekileyo ngendlela efanelekileyo. Ngaphandle kwempazamo okanye ukunqoba kwexesha elidlulileyo, ngaphandle kobudlelwane nabanye abesifazana kunye namava, lakho iqabane alilona umntu otshatileyo.
Ngendlela, kwaye mhlawumbi awuzange uphile uze utshatile kwi-monastery. - Ukuba ubomi buyimpumelelo, azikho iingxaki ngokuzithemba kwaye kubonakala ngathi akukho mfuneko yokulawula zonke iinyawo zomyeni, kodwa ukungathandabuzeki kukuzibamba, kukufanele ukuphulaphule. Ngokuqhelekileyo ingcamango yokudlala ngothando okanye ukunyuka kwayo "ishiywe" ingqondo ilulaza, ngoxa ukungcatshwa komntu esimthandayo, siyakulangazelela kwaye siyifumlele entloko. Into enokuyenza: nikela ingqalelo ebomini bakho obusondeleyo, ngokungahlali ukwaneliseka kukukhokelela ekuthandaneni nabanye abantu (ukuphakamisa ukuzithemba kwabo), kwaye kamva kwintloko yam kukho iingcinga apho indoda inokuthi ikwazi "ukudubula amehlo akhe".