Unenkxalabo, kwaye ngenxa yoko, igazi lakho likhawuleza lihlasele ebusweni bakho kwaye kubonakale ukugqithisela. Nangona ubonakala ungenakuvuyela, kwaye uxoxe nomntu ongaqhelekanga okanye uphendule imibuzo yabanye abantu, udibanise yonke into efanayo. Kutheni kunjalo? Oku kungenxa yeziganeko zeenkqubo zeentlanzi. Ubunzima obubonakalayo xa sibona ihlazo, intloni, okanye ukuphazamiseka kweentlungu kunye nokuxakeka kwangaphakathi.
Akunakwenzeka ukuba udibanise kunye nolonwabo?
Makhe sibone indlela onokuyeka ukuxhamla? Okokuqala, kuyimfuneko ukwazi ukuba inxalenye enkulu asiyikudibanisa kungekhona ngenxa yokuba sinenkxalabo, kodwa malunga nendlela esizijonga ngayo ngokugqithiseleyo ingxaki yobomvu. Ukuba isikhumba sakho sithandeka ngokubomvu kwisizathu esincinci, ngoko, ngokwemvelo, uya kuba nolwazi olungakumbi ngenxa yokuba ukhangeleka njani emehlweni abantu. Oku kubandakanya iinkathazo, ukuphepha ukuthetha kunye nabahlobo kunye noogxa, i-social phobia (ukwesaba uluntu) kunokukhula.
Ukuze ugweme oku, kufuneka ufunde indlela yokufunda ukuba ungabonakali ngenxa yezizathu. Ukuba le nkathazo ikukhathaza ukususela ebuntwaneni, kwaye uqala ukuyifumanisa, kuyafaneleka ukuzama ukufumana le nyaniso. Le ndlela izokukunceda ukuba ungayithobeli ingxaki yobomvu, kwaye, ngokufanelekileyo, ukuba ungayithobeli abanye abantu. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, xa ukhumbula ngokugqithiseleyo ngokubomvu kwaye uyithathe ngokukhawuleza, ukubuyiswa okubonakalayo kuya kukhawuleza kwaye kungabikho kokungaqondakali, kokubili wena nabanye.
Akunakuze udibanise xa uthetha?
Ukuxhamla xa uthetha nomntu ongaqhelekanga? Oku kuqhelekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uziva ungakhululeki kwaye uzama ukukrazula le ngxaki esicasulayo, kuyafaneleka ukuba ukwazi ukuba wenzeni ukuze ungabonakali. Kungokwemvelo ukuba ubomvu obukhulayo bunokulindeleke lula ngokuvakalelwa kunye nentloni. Uqala ukuba neentloni, ukudibanisa, kwaye uqaphele ukuba ubude bakho bube bubomvu, uyazibetha ngakumbi. Le ngqungquthela enesibindi, kodwa ke, kulula ukuphula.
Ngokukhawuleza xa uqala ukuva ukutshiswa kobushushu obuza ebusweni bakho, zama ukungaxhomeki kule nkqubo. Ungathuli kwaye ungagxininiseli ngaphakathi, uqhubeke uthetha, kuya kuphazamisa ingqondo yakho kwinkqubo yobomvu. Ngaphambi kwexesha, vela ngamabinzana ambalwa anokugqithiswa xa umdibaniselwano ebona ubomvu kunye neentloni. Ngaloo ndlela, umntu unokuphazamisa kwinkqubo yokubomvu "kabini" kwaye anganiki ithuba lokunyuka.
Akunakuze udibanise xa uthetha?
Esinye isibetho sabantu abaninzi karhulumente sibomvu xa befika kwisigaba. Kubonakaliswe ukuba umntu uyabhoxa kuphela ebusweni babanye abantu. Qaphela ukuba awukwazi ukuzityha wedwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzama nzima kangakanani. Ukuqhubela phambili kulo, siya kuzama ukufumanisa ukuba senzeni,
Enye yezona zikhetho eziqhelekileyo ezisetyenziswe ngabadumileyo kukucinga ukuba usesikweni kwindlu yonke. Zama ugxininisa kwisifundo othetha ngaso, zama ukungajongi abaphulaphuli, jonga iinkcukacha ezingapheliyo zangaphakathi, uze ucinge nje ukuba iholo ayinalutho. Ukuze uhlaziyo olupheleleyo lonesizungu, kufuneka uzame ngokukhawuleza, kodwa kufuneka ufune. Xa uthetha i-tete-a-tet loo ndlela, ngelanga, ayiyi kusebenza.
Phakamisa ukuzithemba kwakho nayiphi na indlela, gqoka iimpahla ezintle kwaye zikhululekile, zithembele. Ukulandela ezi nezinye iingcebiso, uya kukwazi ukuyeka ukudibanisa phambi kokuba abephulaphuli abaninzi okanye kwinkampani yabangamaziyo.