"Iingcamango yokuba yonke into esemhlabeni ayinaphakade, iyakhawuleza yaye iyathuthuzela ngokungapheliyo"
UMaria-Ebner Eschenbach
Ngaphambi kokuba ucinge malunga nokuba uthando luya kudlula, khumbula ukuba akukho nto ekhoyo kweli hlabathi liphela, kuphela yatshintshwa. Yaye uthando, naye, aludluli ngaphandle. Ngamanye amaxesha kuphenduka ubuhlobo, ngamanye amaxesha - inzondo, ngamanye amaxesha - ngokukhunjulwa okanye umkhwa. Mhlawumbi lixesha lokungcola iqhina lobudlelwane ukuya phambili, kodwa uqonda njani ukuba eli lixesha lifikile? Indlela yokwazi ukuba uthando luye lwadlula, kwaye ngokwenene, ukuba ludlula, ukuba luyinyaniso. Siza kuthetha ngale nto namhlanje.
Uyakuqonda njani ukuba uthando ludlulile?
Akukho mpendulo engaqinisekanga kumbuzo: kutheni uthando ludlula. Oku kungabangelwa yimicimbi yangaphandle (umgama, iingxaki ezingenasiphelo, iingongoma, njl), kunye neenguqu zakho zangaphakathi. Uthando lokuqala, njengommiselo, alugqithanga ngokukhawuleza, ngokuchanekileyo ngenxa yokuba alukwazi ukwenza izinto zangaphandle, kodwa ngaphakathi sisigcina le ngqiqo inene kwaye inyanisekileyo, kuba inxulumene nezinto ezintsha ezitsha kuthi, kodwa ezinjalo izipho zokumema.
Ngoko, njani ukuqonda ukuba uthando lwakho ludlulile:
- uqala ukucaphukisa ngemikhwa yakhe okanye ukuziphatha. Ngaphandle kwendlela ebonakala ngayo, unokuzifumana into engavamile kwaye engathandekiyo (khumbula u-Anna Karenina, xa ephazamiseka ngokukhawuleza iindlebe zomyeni wakhe). Ukutshitshiswa ngumqondiso wokuqala wokuba ulwalamano lwakho lunikeze ukuqhekeka okukhulu;
- Musa ukukhathazeka malunga nokuxabana. Ukuba awukwazi ukuqonda ukuba uthando luye lwadlula, ziphulaphule ngexesha lokuxabana. Akukho bukrakra? Awunandaba, uxolelanise okanye awukho (okanye, ngentliziyo, ingcamango engazange ibuhlungu);
- libale ngo kubakho. Ekupheleni kosuku ucinga ngokukhawuleza ngomntu kwaye oko, ngenxa yokuba uthembisa ukwenza isidlo sakusihlwa. Xa uthando ludlula, awucingeki ukuba unokwenza izinto zansuku zonke, njengokucoca okanye ukujonga umboniso, kunye kunye;
- uhlala wedwa, wonke umntu uhlala kwindawo yakhe. Ingxoxo iyancishiswa ibe izivakalisi ze-monosyllabic, kwaye emva komsebenzi ujikeleza ngeenxa zonke. Awufuni ukwabelana ngemibono yakho, kwaye ukwazi ukuba izinto ziphakathi kwesiqingatha;
- awunakufumana nayiphi na inqabileyo yesondo. Ukuba khona kwesondo akusekho isalathisi sothando, kodwa ukungabikho kwayo ngokuqinisekileyo kuyimpawu ebangelisayo. Ukunqongophala kwexesha lokubhenkcelwa yinto yenzelwa yintombazana, nangona kunjalo, ukuba unomdla wokuba ucinga ixesha elide njengomsebenzi osicasulayo, eli sihlandlo sokubonisa;
- ukulahleka kwamahlaya. Awusayi kuhleka amahlaya afanayo, ungakhankanyi ngamahlaya omthandayo ngaphambili;
- wenze isigqibo yedwa, cinga nje ngohlukileyo "I". Kwaye masibeke omnye phambi kweqiniso;
- vuyiswa xa kukho ukwahlukana. Ukuba amazwi omfana malunga nohambo oluzayo oluya kuza, intliziyo iphendula ngokuthokoza "yiphonsa", kwaye ngokukhawuleza ucinge ngezinto oza kwenza ngaphandle kwayo, mhlawumbi, uthando luye lwadlula.
Emva kwexesha luthando luya kudlula?
Ukuthandana ngokukhawuleza kuncike, ngokuqinisekileyo, ngamandla okuqala eengqondo. Nangona kunjalo, iingxaki eziqhayisayo (3, 7 kunye neminyaka engaphezulu) azikho kuwo onke amanqwanqwa athando. Kunoko yithuba lokuphinda ucinge kwakhona kunye nokutshintshela kwisigaba esitsha sobudlelwane. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha kwenzeka ukuba ngeli xesha ukusuka ekujuleni komphefumlo uphuma ngokubhubhisa kwaye ngelo xesha uvakalelwa kukuba ungamthandi lo mntu. Yintoni elandelayo?
Uthando luye lwadlula, yintoni oyenzayo?
Kangaphi,