Ekuqaleni kobomi bentsapho, ikusasa elihlangeneyo libonwa kuphela kwiimpawu ezivuya, iingcamango malunga nokungahambelani azinakho. Kodwa ixesha lidlulayo, kwaye ekuziphatheni komyeni uqala ukutshatyalaliswa kwezinto ezingaqhelekanga, akanakunyanzelisa, uhlala ekhohlakeleyo kwaye enobuhlungu, kwaye azisola ngenxa yezenzo ezinjalo zibukeka zingekho ngokwemvelo. Izizathu zezi zinto zinokuba buninzi, mhlawumbi oku kungakhathaliseki ukuba kunzima, kungabakho imeko enzima yemali, mhlawumbi nayo yonke into eyenziwa ngumfazi othile, owayenomdla kumyeni wakhe. Inyaniso yokungathembeki inokuphathwa ngokwahlukileyo, kodwa ukuba unquma ukugcina umtshato, kuya kuba kuhle ukuqonda ukuxolela ukunyeliswa komyeni kwaye uphile emva koko. Ekubeni isityholo esifihliweyo asiyi kunika ithuba lokubuyisana nolwalamano kwaye ekugqibeleni lukhokelela ekugqibeleni okuza kuzisa iimvakalelo ezingamnandi ngakumbi kunokuba unqume ukukhawuleza ukukhawuleza.
Indlela yokuxolela ukunyeliswa komntu othandekayo?
Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuxolela siya kuba yintetho kunye neqabane lakho, ngelixa ufanele uvalwe xa ukudabuka kunye neentlanzi ziqhelekile kuwe, kwaye uvuselele iimvakalelo ukuba uhlala uxolo kwaye uzinzile. Yaye uzame ukuhlala kude nezinto ezisongela zonke iintlobo. Ngokomzekelo, abaninzi abasetyhini bakholelwa ukuba unokuxolela umyeni wakho emva kokukhwabanisa ngendlela efanayo. Oku akunakwenzeka ukuyicombulula ingxaki, uzongeza ngokwakho ulwaphulo-mthetho, kwaye nomsindo womyeni wakho uya kubangela. Ukongezelela, kufuneka kukhunjulwe ukuba amadoda amaninzi akwamkeli ukukhokelwa, ngoko emva kokuba isenzo esinjalo sigcine ubudlelwane buya kuba nzima nakakhulu. Ngoko, kwingxoxo, akufanele usongele ukukhwabanisa, akukho nto enokuthi iphele apho. Kwakhona, abantwana abamele bangasetyenziselwa njengengcinezelo yenkxalabo, okokuqala, abayikusola into yokuba abantu abadala abadala abakwazi ukuvumelanisa, kwaye okwesibini, lo msebenzi uya kuthukuthela nje umntu, umama ongenamsebenzi akaziphathe ngendlela efanayo.
Ukufunda ngokukhwabanisa kunzima ukuphatha umlingane ngendlela efana neyokuqala, iimvakalelo zinganiki uvavanyo olunzulu lwaloo meko, unxunguphelelwe izikhalazo, sinokuxolelwa njani na apha? Ukuqonda nokuxolela umyeni wakhe emva kokunyaniseka kunokuncedisa ukuhlukana okufutshane, kwaye ungammangaleli njengesigwebo. Kungcono ukuba ungahambi kubazali, kodwa uhambe kunye nabantwana kwesinye isixeko okanye uhambo oluya kwelinye ilizwe.
Indlela yokuxolela ukutshatyalaliswa komntu othandekayo?
Ngethuba lokuqala emva kweendaba ezinjalo ezingathandekiyo, iingcamango ziya kuqhubeka zijikeleza ngaye, kwimeko enjalo ukuxolela umyeni wakho ngokunyaniseka, kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzama kangakanani, akuyi kusebenza. Ngoko ke, sifuna ukufumana indlela yokuzincama, ukuvumela iimvakalelo zilele. Kule nto, into entsha yokuzilibazisa iyakwazi ukuza kukukhohlisa. Ukuba kukho abantwana, kufuneka uhlawule ngakumbi, baqaphele ukuba baxoxe uyihlo, kwaye ukuba banemibuzo, cacisa yonke into ngokuzithoba.
Ngokuphindaphindiweyo, umbuzo wokuxolela umthandayo umiselwe ngabasetyhini abangaqinisekanga ngokwabo. Umntu othanda ukuphumelela ngesini esahlukileyo uya kucinga ngokuxolela kuphela phantsi kweempembelelo zezizathu ezinzulu (ubudlelwane obude obungapheliyo ngenxa yokungaziphathi kakuhle). Kodwa "iigundane ezimpunga", ezaziqhayisa zabo ezithandwayo, zichaphazeleka kakhulu ngokungcatsha.
Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba uthathe nawaphi na amanyathelo okugcina intsapho, kufuneka ucinge malunga nokuba ufanelekile ngexesha lokuxolela umyeni wakho emva kokunyelisa. Jonga imeko ngokuchaseneyo, ungazami ukufihla emva kwabantwana: iziganeko eziqhubekayo kwintsapho, ukucaphuka komama kunye nokungahloneli nguyise kuyingozi ngakumbi kunokwaluhlukana.