Umnde oqhelekileyo wentsapho: umfazi omhle kwaye onobuqili, abantwana, umsebenzi kunye nayo yonke into ibonakala ilungile, kwaye umphefumlo uhlala emphefumlweni, kodwa ... nangona zonke iingcambu zobomi, phantse zonke iintsapho ezinjalo zinomdla omnye - ngamanye amaxesha abuye aphendukele "ashiye". Namhlanje, bambalwa abantu baya kumangaliswa kwimeko yeendaba. Kwaye amadoda asetyenziswa ukubeka izimvo ngale meko ngombinzana othi "umgcini wesinxele uyomeleza umtshato." Kodwa kutheni umntu ukuba abe yinkosikazi, ukuba kunjalo konke kulungile kwaye kuyamangalisa? Masizame ukuqonda le ngxaki.
Kutheni amadoda athile abatshatileyo belahla?
Ukuba uyangena kwiimbali, uyakhumbula ukuba isithembu sisisigxina. Amadoda ethu omadala asekude abeka ibhokisi kunye namanina amaninzi kwangoko kwaye oku kubalulekile kwisizwe sonke, njengabesetyhini abaninzi banikezela ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba inzala iya kukhula ngamandla. Emva kweeminyaka emininzi, le nxalenye yokusinda kwelo hlobo yayisinda kuphela kwizilwanyana. Nangona kunjalo, kumadoda le ndawo yayigxininiswe kwinqanaba lemvelo.
Ngokuphathelele imimiselo yokuziphatha, namhlanje akubona bonke abantu abanokukuxelela ukuba kutheni amadoda eqala ukuthanda. Abaninzi abameli abesilisa abazi nje ukuba bathetha ntoni. Nangona kunjalo, zikho izizathu ezichazwe kungekhona nje ngomntu wesintu sangaphakathi kunye nesifiso sokuwunqoba kwimida yothando.
Kutheni amadoda ebheka iindlovu?
Indima yendoda ebantwini iye yahlala eninzi kunye nenani elikhulu leentlobo. Akufanele akhale, kufuneka abe namandla, axhase intsapho, ayondle, athole imali, njl. Ngaloo ndlela, kuvela ukuba umntu akakwazi ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakhe. Yena, inkululeko yothando, uhlala edlala indima yenyameko yentsapho kunye nomyeni othembekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, nangona kungekho nto ingavumelani nomfazi kunye nentsapho yonke into efanelekileyo, ukuziphatha oku "kulandeleka" ngokungapheliyo kukhokelela umntu ukuxinezeleka kunye neengxaki zempilo. Ukongezelela, kwiimeko ezininzi, ubomi bentsapho bendoda buqala nje ngomzuzu wenguqu ukususela ebutsheni ukuya kulutsha (iminyaka engama-23 ukuya ku-30), kwaye akusiyo wonke umntu olungele ukuyeka indlela endala yobomi ngenxa yentsapho. Uninzi lwabantu alufane lubone abahlobo, ukwenza imisebenzi yasendlini, ukuya kwiintsapho, kunye nabafazi abakuthandanga ngokunyuka ukuhamba kwabo abathembekileyo kwigaraji kunye nebhayibha. Kodwa umntu ufuna ukubonakalisa amandla abo nokubaluleka. Nantsi ke kukho ukutshintsha "ukuya ngakwesobunxele".
Kodwa kutheni indoda e tshatayo inkosikazi, kukho iindlela ezininzi apha:
- ithuba lokuphinde uzive nje njengendoda esemncinci yobomi bakhe. Yingakho amadoda asele minyaka ahlala ekhangele amantombazana amancinci;
- ithuba lokuthulula umphefumlo kunye neemvakalelo zakho. Esi sizathu esiqhelekileyo sokuba indoda ifunayo kwindlovukazi. Emva koko, uya kuhlala emmkela ngeentsilelo zakhe, inkxaso kunye nokuphulaphula, ngokungafani nomfazi wakhe, owenza kuphela ukuba uyambona iintsuku ekupheleni;
- ithuba lokufumana iimvakalelo ezintsha. Sonke siyayikhumbula loo mvakalelo eyayinokuqala ekuqaleni kobudlelwane. Ukungabikho kokuthandana okunjalo kudla ngokukhokelela umntu kwingcamango yokubonakala kwenkosikazi;
- ukwaneliseka ngokwesondo. Kwiintlobo ezininzi zeentsapho, eziye zahlala malunga neminyaka elinesibini, ubuhlobo obusondeleyo buya kwinqanaba. Okanye kukho iimeko xa umfazi engamfaneli nomntu olala embhedeni. Kwaye bambalwa kula madoda baya kuphinda bafumaneke ithuba lokwenza izinto ezinqwenelekayo kunye nokukhangela ngesondo.
Umbono wesilisa "wobomi obini"
Nangona kunjalo, oku akuzona zonke izizathu zokuba kutheni amadoda aqale abathandi. I-psychology yendoda injalo ukuba inkosikazi isele iimeko ezimbi kakhulu, xa kungekho nenye indlela yokwenza. Kwaye iphoso liphantsi kwamagxa amabhinqa, aphethwe yi-quibbles, ama-scandals kunye nokungafuneki ukunyanzela umntu ukuba afune inkxaso kwicala lakhe. Ngoko, ukuqaphela amabhinqa iimpendulo eziqhelekileyo, kutheni amadoda anesithandana esingapheliyo:
- ngokuqhelekileyo ngexesha lethu lokuba nenkosikazi yaba yinxalenye yesimo esiphakeme somntu. Kufuneka ukuba ngumzekelo wokubonakala kwaye uhambelane nesimo somntu. Siyabulela kwesi sizathu, kwavela amahlaya adumile ngababhala. Uthando aluvumi apha okanye. Kuphela imali kunye nobugovu besilisa;
- Kwakhona isizathu sokuba ubomi bentsapho obude, xa zonke izinto ziqhelekile kwaye ziqhelekileyo. Kwaye ukuba ngaba abafazi abanalo ithuba lokuphumla komnye nomnye, ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunokuba kunjalo, ukukhangela intshukumo kuyakhokelela umntu ukuba acinge ngokunyaniseka;
- Olunye ukhetho lusebenza njengempendulo kumbuzo wesibini oqhelekileyo othi "Ngaba abantu bathanda iindlebe zabo?". Kwenzeka ukuba ingcamango yokungcatsha loo mntu ayikho, kodwa ngokukhawuleza yavela uthando oluqinileyo. Oku kwenzeka kwiimeko apho umfazi obangelwa yintswelo yothando kuphela, kwaye ebomini kwakunomvakalelo wokwenene. Ngendlela, esi sizathu esona sizathu sokuba amadoda ahambe kwii-mistress zabo.
Kwaye kuthiwani ngala maqhubi?
Ukuba ngaba abaphathi bayonwabile indima yabo, umbuzo uphikisana. Ngokudla kaninzi, aba bafazi baya kulahlwa bodwa baze bafumane umntu okhululekileyo. Njengokuba kukho ukubonisa, abaninzi abantu banelisekile kwiimeko zezinto xa umfazi othandekayo elinde ekhaya, kwaye ecaleni kukho inkosikazi ehlala iphakamisa ukuzithemba kwaye inika ukwaneliseka ngokwesondo. Kwaye nangona umfazi enelisekile ngumntu, oku akuyiyo into engayi kuyitshintsha. Okubaluleke ngakumbi kukuba uya kuziphatha njani xa efunda ukukhashelwa komyeni wakhe kunye nokuhlakanipha kwakhe ukuba enze ntoni kuloo meko. Ekugqibeleni, ukuba yonke into yokugwetywa yecala yaphela ngokuqhawula umtshato, ngoko imithwalo yemitshato ehlalayo iya kuba malunga nantoni.